If you are anything like me, you probably wish you enjoyed the same experiences your extroverted friends do. It would make things easier, right? But the truth is that it only makes it easier for them. I’ve realized that forcing myself into those situations without actively engaging – even if I don’t always mind – is not sustainable. So, I have to rewire my thinking regarding what these situations mean to me.
I started my freshman year of college knowing nobody at my school, living in a new state, and putting more effort into my schoolwork than I did in high school. On top of that, I had disconnected from the vast majority of the people I hung out with in high school. This meant that I started a new chapter of life with virtually no friends to support me and I also had little to no support from people back home.
This meant two things to me. One: I could keep to myself and nobody would know anything about me, and I’d be content. Or two: I could challenge myself to build meaningful connections and explore the extent of my true comfort zone. I could’ve told you at 10 years old that I would not find the idea of going out to a club every weekend or partying appealing. But going to a coffee shop, going to the gym, grabbing lunch, studying, or even just chilling in my room – that’s my idea of quality activities with friends.
So how does an introvert challenge themselves? I’m not going to sit here and advise you to talk to one new person everyday or to join new clubs. Frankly, that’s draining and old news. My advice will sound very similar, but hopefully much more appealing. I’ve found that doing more of the things I already love has helped me build confidence, meet new people, and actually enjoy the activities I participate in. I’d like to take this moment to remind everyone: being an introvert is not a negative thing. It doesn’t mean you’re a loner, it doesn’t mean you can’t talk to people, and it most definitely does not mean you are boring. All it means is that you recharge through quiet environments and do not necessarily seek external social stimulation.
How I’ve properly challenged myself as an introvert:
Have deeper conversations with people I already connect with.
- I started to notice that the more I talk to my friends, the less I worry about having to talk to other people. I find my rhythm and get to deepen my relationships with those friends.
Join more clubs or activities that relate to what I already like.
- This allows me to meet new people that I already know appreciate the same hobby or interest as me. It saves me the trouble of being let down by someone who only wants to go and party.
Have conversations with extroverts but don’t feel forced to hang out with them for extended periods of time.
- I won’t lie to you and say that you shouldn’t have any extroverted friends. It’s important to socialize with people that have different interests or views than us. However, you shouldn’t feel like it is required to do something that will drain you. I love having conversations with my extroverted friends; they give me insight into what other activities are like and they’re usually pretty funny or easy to talk to. This way I know that I am socializing and not selling myself short, but I don’t have to be uncomfortable (there’s a difference between not challenging yourself and truly understanding your comfort zone).
Take small steps in the direction of leaving your comfort zone.
- In high school, I couldn’t fathom the idea of going to a club meeting where there was no one I knew. But in the first few weeks of school I found a club that aligned with my interest and was low commitment and went to that meeting. And guess what! I made a good friend there. I talked to a group of girls in my dorm building one day when I was getting water, and you’ll never guess…I made another friend! These small steps shouldn’t feel like a lot of pressure. It should feel like something you actually want to do but are maybe nervous to try just because you’ve never done it before, not because it will drain you. This is how you figure out whether it really is the limits of your comfort zone or if you’re just nervous.
And lastly, don’t apologize for not being extroverted.
- Like I said before, it’s not a bad thing. The world needs introverts, extroverts, and everything in between. I’m sure you’re sick of hearing it, but you will find your people. But that means you have to be open to finding and receiving them, don’t think it’ll happen from just standing there looking pretty.
Just a thought.
Love, A